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The following are the instructions included with the incredibly nifty travel alarm clock/calculator/picutre frame the lovely (and generous) kazac gave me last night. The device is fantastic, but the instructions are even better. What I've typed below is, after three proofreads, exactly what the instructions say, including all punctuation and spacing. To be fair, their spacing did a much better job of full justification than this font does. On the other hand, I've made this infinitely easier for you to follow by putting the sections in order.

What does that mean? Well, you see the {break} lines below? The instructions come on a tri-fold leaflet (which should actually be called a bi-fold leaflet or a tri-panel leaflet, but that's a rant for another day), with column one to the left of a fold, column two on the center panel, and column three on the right. HOWEVER: the text you see after the first {break} is NOT the bottom half of column one, as you might expect. Instead, it's the top half of column two. The text you see after the second break is the bottom half of column one. That's right—to read the instructions in order, you have to read halfway down column one, then halfway down column two, then halfway down column three, CRLF, bottom half column one, bottom half column two, bottom half column three.

No, there isn't a crease running horizontally across the whole thing.

In any event, I present to you:

OPERATING INSTRUCTIONS:

==========================
HOW TO SET THE CURRENT TIME:
****************************
1. PRESS THE [CLOCK] KEY TO ENTER THE MODE.
2. PRESS THE [SET] KEY TO ADJUST TIME, AFTER PRESSING
   THE [SET] KEY, THE <SECOND> WILL FLASH, PRESS
   [UP] OR [DOWN] TO RETURN TO "00".
3. PRESS [SET]KEY TO SWITCH FROM <SECOND> TO
   <HOUR>, [UP] OR [DOWN] TO THE CURRENT TIME,
   KEEP REPEATING THIS PROCESS UNTIL ALL THE
   <MINUTE>,<YEAR>,<MONTH>,<DATE> AND 
   <DAYS> ARE SET.
4. AFTER RESETTING, PRESS [CLOCK] KEY TO RETURE TO
   NORMAL STATE (N.B.: IN ANY SETTING POSITION,
   WHICHEVER [CLOCK] KEY IS PRESSED,NORMAL STATE
   WILL BE RETURNED TO)

{break}

5. PRESS [LONDON], [PARIS],[CAIRO], [MOSCOW],
   [KARACHI], [BANGKOK], [ HONG KONG], [TOKYO],
   [SYDNEY], [WELLINGTON], [HONOLULU], [LOS
   ANGELES], [DENVER], [CHICAGO], [NEW YORK],
   [RIO DE JANEIRO] KEY, THE DISPLAY WILL APPEAR
   THE WORLD TIME  ( IT WILL RETURN BACK TO
   HOME TIME AFTER 8 SECONDS)
6. PRESS THE DESIROUS CITY KEY, THE DISPLAY APPEAR
   THE WORLD TIME, THEN PRESS [SET] KEY, THIS CITY
   WILL BECOME TO LOCAL CITY.
HOW TO SET ALARM CLOCK:
***********************
IN THE NORMAL STATE, PRESS THE [BELL] KEY TO ENTER
THE <ALARM> POSITION. THEN:
1. PRESS [BELL] KEY AGAIN TO SET ALARM <ON> OR <OFF>.
2. PRESS [SET], AND USE [UP] OR [DOWN] KEY TO SET
   ALARM TIME.

{break}

3. PRESS [BELL] KEY ONCE TO FINISH THE ALARM SETTING.
4. AFTER RESETTING, TO PRESS [CLOCK] KEY TO RETURN
   TO THE NORMAL STATE.
5. WHEN THE ALARM TIME HAS ARRIVED, A <BIBI>
   SOUND WILL CONTINUE FOR 3 MINUTES. AND PRESS
   ANY KEY TO STOP THE ALARM.
6. AFTER ENTER ALARM POSITION, PRESS[1],[2],[3],[4],
   [5] KEY TO CHOICE DEIFFERENT <MELODY> SOUND
   OR [6], [7], [8], DIFFERENT <BIBI> SOUND.
7. IF YOU PRESS [SNOOZE] KEY IT WILL BE START ALARM
   SOUND AFTER 8 MINTES. BUT PRESS ANY KEY DURING
   THIS 8 MINUTES, THE SNOOZE FUNCTION WILL BE
   CANCELED.
HOW TO OPERATE EXCHANGE RATE:
*****************************
1. PRESS[AC] OR [CE] KEY AND DISPLAY WILL PRESENT 0

{break}

2. PRESS [COINS /SET]KEY AND DISPLAY WILL BE FLASH
   "C 0", THEN INPUT THE EXCHANGE RATE YOU
   DESIRED AND PRESS [SET] KEY AGAIN.
3. INPUT THE NUMBER YOU WANT THEN PRESS [COINS]
   KEY, THE DISPLAY WILL BE PRESENT THE CALCULATED
   FIGURE (= THE NUMBER YOU INPUT X THE RATE YOU SET)
4. INPUT NEW NUMBER THEN PRESS[COINS] KEY, THEN
   DISPLAY WILL PRESENT THE NEW CALCULATED NUMBER
5. PLEASE REPEAT THE STEP 2 OPERATING TO CHANGE
   THE EXCHANGE RATE
HOW TO OPERATE THE CALCULATOR:
******************************
1. PRESS [CE],[AC] KEY TO ENTER CALCULATION FUNCTION.
2. PRESS [0], [1], [2], [3], [4], [5], [6], [7], [8], [9],
   [+], [-], [X], [/]*, [=], [.], [%], [M+], [M-],
   [MRC] KEY TO CALCULATE
HOW TO OPERATE SUNLIGHT SAVING:
*******************************
WHEN THE TIME NORMAL STATE, PRESS [SUNLIGHT

{break}

SAVING] KEY, FIRST PRESSING, THE TIME WILL BE EARLY
1 HOUR, AND SECOND PRESSING, THE TIME WILL BE
RETURN NORMAL TIME.
HOW TO OPERATE TIMER:
*********************
1. PRESS [%/TIME] KEY TO ENTER TIMER MORE, AND
   DISPLAY WILL APPEAR "00-00 00"
2. PRESS [SET] KEY, THEN USE [UP] OR [DOWN] KEY TO
   ADJUST THE <SECOND>, <HOUR>, <MINUTE> OF
   TIMER
3. PRESS [%/TIME] KEY TO START COUNT DOWN FUNCTION.
   PRESS [%/TIME] KEY AGAIN TO STOP COUNT DOWN
   FUNCTION, OR PRESS [UP] OR [DOWN] TO CLEAR TIMER
   TO "00-00 00".
4. WHEN THE TIMER COUNTED DOWN TO "0", THE BIBI
   ALARM WILL BE SOUNDING FOR ABOUT 2 MINUTES.
   PRESS ANY KEY TO STOP THE SOUND.
HOW TO OPERATE KEY TONE:
************************
WHEN THE TIME NORMAL STATE, PRESS [MUSICAL NOTE] KEY TO

{break}

CHOICE KEY TONE.
HOW TO CHANGE BATTERIES:**
**************************
WHEN THE LETTER GRADUALLY OF DISPLAY BECOME
DIM AND UNCLEAR, THIS MEANS THE BATTERIS MUST
BE CHANGED, REPLACE WITH NEW CR2025 LITHIUM
BATTERY.
REMARK:
1.:IF THERE IS NO ANY OPERATION WITHIN 6--7
   MINUTES, IN THE <DATE/TIME SETTING>, <ALARM
   SETTING> OR <CALCULATOR OPERATING>
   POSITION, THE DISPLAY WILL BE RETURN TO
   NORMAL STATE.
2.:WHEN POWER IS TURN-ON, THE LOCAL TIME
   WILL BE SET TO LONDON TIME AUTOMATICALLY.
3.:IF THE CLOCK IS LOCKED AND NOT WORKING WHEN
   REPLACE BATTERY, USE A PIN TO PRESS "RESET" KEY
   IN THE REAR OF THE CLOCK TO START FUNCTIONS.

*Of course, they didn't actually use a slash, they used the gradeschool dot-bar-dot division sign, but that doesn't even exist in the ANSI character set

**Notably, it takes exactly one battery.